Have you thought about taking a vacation with your family? I’m not talking about just your kids or parents, but also grandchildren or grandparents. Or maybe the in-laws.
The Pollyanna side of you envisions the trip as pure bliss.
But that little guy on your shoulder whispers in your ear, “We couldn’t survive Thanksgiving dinner without an argument with these people”!
You want so badly to have this time with everyone, but you are concerned. And based on the past, maybe rightfully so.
After five multi-generational vacations, I’ve learned a few lessons—some the hard way—about how to actually make these trips work.
Where Should You Go?
The list of correct answers is endless.
And I actually believe it doesn’t matter. It’s primarily about being together. But the setting can determine whether you are setting yourself up for success or failure.
If there is someone with mobility issues, a beach or walking-centric vacation can be problematic.
Children in strollers can become a logistical nightmare in tight quarters, such as a subway.
Take everything into consideration and ask for input. Find that happy medium for everyone.
Talk it Out – Communication!
In every family, there are people who freely voice their opinions while others remain silent.
There are some who grow impatient, while others grin and bear it.
Resentment may be apparent, or smoldering within.
Everybody’s input is important. Ask those who are keeping it to themselves for their thoughts. They may genuinely be alright with going with the flow, or they may appreciate the opportunity to express their desires.
On our last trip, I wasn’t receiving much feedback from the group, and trust me, I tried. I made one small adjustment to my inquiries. I actually used our group chat to set up a poll. I gave several options, and each person was allowed to vote without explaining themselves. It worked like a charm! And it provided evidence that my stepkids could not agree on anything!
The Name of the Game is Compromise (or Flexibility)
If there are multiple, competing options, not everybody is going to get their wishes.
I have found there are two ways to approach this situation. Either compromise or allow people to go their own way (I’m about to belt out that Fleetwood Mac song) and do as they please.
Neither of these is wrong.
If choosing between poking around a quaint town or going to a go-kart park, it’s ok if some would like to do one over the other. And it’s ok to compromise and join the others for what would have been your second option.
Personally, the next time my kids and stepkids want to go ziplining, you will find me elsewhere. I’ve retired from that activity. But if that’s what’s important to them, by all means, I want them to experience it.
Let’s Talk About Money
Often, family members are in a different stage of their lives, financially, and it would be a mistake not to acknowledge and factor that into decisions.
It’s not fair to expect a young couple to be able to afford what their parents can. Or maybe there are grandparents on a fixed income. And I am not proposing that the family members with financial security should pay for everything.
Be realistic about the cost of activities, lodging, meals, etc. Don’t suggest a Michelin star restaurant unless you would like to treat the group.
Fair contribution does not mean equal contribution.
One of my favorite moments was with my daughter’s family in Myrtle Beach. I had picked up the tab the first couple of nights for dinner. As I was playing with my granddaughters in the ocean, my daughter ordered pizza and had it delivered to the beach. As the sun went down, we enjoyed the pizza on our beach blanket while listening to the waves crashing. Her contribution, providing that moment, was worth more to me than whatever I had paid previously.
Don’t let financial considerations be a source of unnecessary stress when you are there to enjoy each other’s company.
Have Some Nos—and Some Yesses
No bickering. No fighting. No rehashing the past. You can have your own set of “Nos”.
But also set up some Yesses. Yes to taking time to reflect on the day together. Yes to laughing often and loudly. And yes to posing for yet another picture!
And if you can’t follow the rules, give permission to sit this one out.
Do you know what? Giving that option somehow resolves the potential situation before it ever happens (maybe it’s the fear of missing out on a good time). It worked like a charm on our last trip.
Should You Do a Multi-Generational Vacation?
Absolutely yes…with the right planning and ground rules.
If you read my blog post on cruises, you know I think they are perfect for this type of vacation. A little something for everyone.
But so many other types of trips can be as well.
There’s a lot that goes into pulling off a trip like this—from choosing accommodations and sorting out expenses to planning activities without turning yourself into the family cruise director. That’s exactly why I’ve been putting together a more complete guide to multi-generational travel.
The best family trip isn’t the trip where everybody gets what they want. It’s the trip where everybody gets something they value.
At the end of the day, it isn’t about where you are going as much as it is about who you are with.
